My depression is pretty bad again

[winterizer]

It's all just too fucking much. The window guy still needs to be in my room for a little bit, but he probably won't do so before next Tuesday. Meaning I still can't really start cleaning up again. It's all just so much. I just don't know how to deal with this. At least he left early today and won't come in tomorrow either, so that's kind of a fucking relief, but only slightly. I'd rather just he finish it quicker since I'm falling apart already anyway. But now I can at least shower, so that's something. I have clothes for today ready, so I think I'll go out for a while today. But I will need to make space in front of my closet before tomorrow, so that I can access my clothes. But I can't park stuff in front of my window for now because the guy still needs to access it. And I told mother that maybe we should wait with rearranging my furniture and just first put everything back, since this is sucking all the energy and joy out of me already, but she doesn't want that. But she also doesn't want us to immediately start. So what, I'll be sitting in the chaos for weeks to come? This isn't what I prepared for. This isn't what I was told. I'm not ready for this and I'm so fucking over it. I just want to be able to access my closet and couch and desk again but everything has gone to shit because of those stupid fucking windows and I don't know how to cope. The anti-depressants can't fix this. I am so overwhelmed and overstimulated and I barely have any privacy and I just want to retreat into the void and disappear.