I'm tired

[winterizer]

After I broke up with Ad, he blocked me, but after a while he unblocked me and we talked it out. I was very obsessively thinking about suicide, but I guess that calmed down a bit after Ad asked me to please not do it. I didn't want to hurt him even more by dying. But that numbness I was talking about in my last post? Yeah, that didn't last long. I cried so hard. I can barely ever cry anymore, but fuck, I was going through it. Still had chores to do before mother came home, but my eyes were so irritated from crying that I just put clean sheets on my bed and decided to lie down and close my eyes. Of course, when mother came home, I woke up to yelling about me not having done the chores and me sleeping at that hour and how I never do anything in the house. I don't even reply to it anymore. It's not like she's going to stop being delusional about that if I tell her about all the times I do just do my chores. I told her I broke up with Ad and she went immediately from angry to kind of quiet and soft. I hate it when she does that. She always just yells at me before even hearing my side. But oh well. She mostly stopped bothering me after that, but she did say she thought it was sad for Ad and I was like "Yeah, I agree.". What the fuck do you want me to say to that? God, she always makes everything worse. But I think Ad and I are on good terms again, and we're still best friends.

I need to wake up early tomorrow for the windows man and I am quite tired from the crying and stuff, so I'm going to brush my teeth and get some good old SLEEP.