Purpose is dead (mostly)

I just watched a YouTube video which reminded me of something I already knew. A.I. is killing jobs. A.I. is putting hard-working people, with goals, who love their jobs, out of work. The video I watched was about this graphic designer who worked for this company for six years. Then they kicked him out. They replaced him with an A.I. they trained off of HIS WORK. This first made me worried for someone I know who is about to start studing graphic design, since that job field is especially endangered right now, but then I started thinking about my future, and that made me depressed. For a while, I planned on studying astronomy, as I find physics and math quite fun, and space quite interesting, but ever since I've lost interest in basically every study and job field, I've started thinking about possible alternatives. A few days ago I started thinking that maybe a psychology study might be interesting. Studying the psyche of criminals seems especially interesting to me, since I feel neurotypicals don't really understand shit about neurodivergent people and it's making life worse for everyone. But I feel like even THINKING about going into that field is a waste of time. No matter how interesting you might find a field, it's no use if you can't get a job. And how long until people's brains are being studied by A.I.? Is it faster? Yes. Cheaper? Yes. More accurate? Possibly. But thinking about all the jobs being taken away... It's horrible. And it's like that in most fields. Honestly, I can't name a single field that's completely safe. Big companies speak about how A.I. will make our lives easier, but all it does is take away our chance of having purpose within our society. We look at the places in the world where wars are going on, and we look at those soldiers and think "How horrible that those people have to die for their country!", but if you really think about it, they at least died for something while we're slowly living for nothing.

Sure, free time is fun, but not when you're hanging around on the couch all day without a purpose because no one cares about what you can do or create anyway. I can just hardly believe we got here. A few years ago, I never had to worry about this. A few years ago, I was worried that my whole adult life would have to be focused around work, but now an equally big worry is that work will become scarce, and the only people with a secure job are the ones already rich, pumping their money into more projects to exploit the situation others are in. Because that's how things are now. Well, I suppose that's how things have always been, but A.I. really is a big change to the way we live. I don't really have any hope anymore. Humans live longer and longer, but there no longer seems to be anything to live for. Just the soulless drag of day-to-day nothingness...

Oh well... Aside from thinking about shit like that, I generally haven't been feeling too great today. I've had a pretty bad headache all day, so I've mostly just been reading and shit. I finished The Bunker Diary. I quite liked it, actually. Reminded me a bit of Saw. Aside from that, I've just been playing Fortnite and chatting. But my friend Reb's doing horrible because he's been in a really shitty situation lately, so that makes me feel upset and useless, since I don't know how to help him. I know I don't look it, but I do really care about some people... And Ad was offline for a long time today, so I kind of missed him a bit. Messaged him about me liking my book, and how White Pineapple Monster tastes like the white Haribo gummy bears (which is pretty good), but no one was online to chat for most of the afternoon, so I just continued reading. It wasn't the worst, though. I was really into my book and with my headache I wasn't much in the mood for staring at screens anyway. I feel pretty out of it. I should study, but I don't feel like it with my headache. I could play video games or watch a movie, but I don't feel like it with my headache. I'm thinking of maybe getting started on The Shards by Bret Easton Ellis, but I already read for two hours today, so I don't know if I really feel like picking up a new book right now. My plan was to watch a movie tonight, but I'm not sure if I'm in the mood for it if my headache doesn't get better.

Jesus, this entry got really long. But sometimes I just like to type it all out on here. I've been feeling depressed a lot lately. Not even necessarily in the suicidal way, just in the way where you realize your life has no purpose or direction it's going. But typing this all out, that's something. This preaching and complaining is some kind of purpose. And it's not much in the grand scheme of things. But it's better than just lying on the couch, and telling this shit to myself. Because I already know it. It just seems like the only purpose in life can be found through death. We like to think that we're better off now, since the World Wars are over, so we can focus on other futures than dying for something. But A.I. is taking everything else away. There's nothing much to live for. But I try to remember that at least I'll probably be together with Ad physically in the future. And that doesn't solve the existentialism of life, but it will probably at least make my days more enjoyable. Trying to hold onto that thought in times like these.