![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
What Fortnite taught me about Depression
Aug. 21st, 2024 05:32 pmThe title of this blog post might sound pretty ridiculous, but being a Fortnite player who regulary experiences Fortnite fatigue actually taught me about Depression, why it occurs in my life, and how to move forward.
I have been playing Fortnite for almost seven years now, and I'm getting close to 1000 hours of playtime on my account. But very often Fortnite feels boring and repetitive. And yesterday it dawned on me that experiencing Depression is much like experiencing gaming fatigue.
Back when I just got into the game and everything was fresh, it was very fun! I'd learn and explore all the time and I'd play with friends a lot. But as time progressed, the game started feeling repetitive. New items were fun temporarily, but the game itself still remained the same, causing boredom rather quickly. Aside from that, Fortnite started having more and more limited-time free rewards you could earn, causing me to often grind the game for hours in total annoyance because I wanted an item. Recently, I didn't have time to grind for some items I wanted. I had spent quite some time grinding, but I ended up just not having enough time. All that time I had put in for those rewards was wasted. I was annoyed. I thought about the friend I used to play Fortnite with the most. He moved on to another game. He would sometimes still play with me, but he felt no necessity to grind for things anymore. He only plays for FUN anymore. And that's when I decided to put my foot down and stop focusing on rewards so much and just do the things I like doing when I want to do them, instead of grind challenges for rewards I don't really need and probably will hardly ever use anyway. I focus on the joy of the game, not the joy of the rewards, and it's made playing feel less like a chore and more like a hobby again. Sometimes I won't play for an extended period of time and, when I do return, I have the most fun when I play different game modes, try new strategies, visit new locations or play with friends.
And then I realized how symbolistic that is for life.
Things used to be fun when I was a kid because so many things were new. But, as you are alive for longer and longer, you get tired of the daily routine of life. You are focused on your goals, but your goals are mainly about obtaining items or ranks of status. There is no satisfying end to the game. People are focused on their account's items and obtaining more, but there is nothing at the end to beat. No sense of fulfilment or closure. Eventually, you die. Like your account being banned from the game. Not a satisfying ending. You are tired of life. Tired of the game. So you stay in bed for very long to try to take a long break from it.
But if I observe the things that make me come back to the game time and time again, I might find a reason to live within that.
So what keeps me coming back to Fortnite? Well, most importantly, I do like Fortnite a lot. Sure, I might be annoyed because of it a lot, but there are also things in it that I do like and do like spending my time on. Furthermore, I like big changes to the game, especially new parts of the map and new game modes. It breaks the repetition. And I like playing together with friends.
So how do I apply that knowledge to life? Well, I now know that routine gets boring. I can grind for physical items that I want, but there isn't great pleasure in that. There is no end goal in life, just rewards for limited-time quests, so the joy must be found in the activity itself or you'll find yourself feeling hollow. So I should make sure to do enough things that interest me. Go to new places. Learn new things. Try things. Focus on the joy of the experiences instead of worrying about an end goal. There is no end goal. There is only an endless present that goes on until God blocks you from the server of life. Don't be blinded by the craving of material possessions or status. Most things aren't worth grinding for so hard that you become miserable. You already have enough skins and some day the server will reset and your score will be gone. Overindulgence breeds dissatisfaction with obtaining new things and everything and everyone is finite. And doing things is often more fun when you do it with friends. Even repetitive things can feel fun when you have a friend by your side to tell you things you've never heard before. Inside of their brain is a world of new information, new experiences, for you to explore.
Don't get stuck a looper. Live in the present, because that's all there is; that's all that matters.
I have been playing Fortnite for almost seven years now, and I'm getting close to 1000 hours of playtime on my account. But very often Fortnite feels boring and repetitive. And yesterday it dawned on me that experiencing Depression is much like experiencing gaming fatigue.
Back when I just got into the game and everything was fresh, it was very fun! I'd learn and explore all the time and I'd play with friends a lot. But as time progressed, the game started feeling repetitive. New items were fun temporarily, but the game itself still remained the same, causing boredom rather quickly. Aside from that, Fortnite started having more and more limited-time free rewards you could earn, causing me to often grind the game for hours in total annoyance because I wanted an item. Recently, I didn't have time to grind for some items I wanted. I had spent quite some time grinding, but I ended up just not having enough time. All that time I had put in for those rewards was wasted. I was annoyed. I thought about the friend I used to play Fortnite with the most. He moved on to another game. He would sometimes still play with me, but he felt no necessity to grind for things anymore. He only plays for FUN anymore. And that's when I decided to put my foot down and stop focusing on rewards so much and just do the things I like doing when I want to do them, instead of grind challenges for rewards I don't really need and probably will hardly ever use anyway. I focus on the joy of the game, not the joy of the rewards, and it's made playing feel less like a chore and more like a hobby again. Sometimes I won't play for an extended period of time and, when I do return, I have the most fun when I play different game modes, try new strategies, visit new locations or play with friends.
And then I realized how symbolistic that is for life.
Things used to be fun when I was a kid because so many things were new. But, as you are alive for longer and longer, you get tired of the daily routine of life. You are focused on your goals, but your goals are mainly about obtaining items or ranks of status. There is no satisfying end to the game. People are focused on their account's items and obtaining more, but there is nothing at the end to beat. No sense of fulfilment or closure. Eventually, you die. Like your account being banned from the game. Not a satisfying ending. You are tired of life. Tired of the game. So you stay in bed for very long to try to take a long break from it.
But if I observe the things that make me come back to the game time and time again, I might find a reason to live within that.
So what keeps me coming back to Fortnite? Well, most importantly, I do like Fortnite a lot. Sure, I might be annoyed because of it a lot, but there are also things in it that I do like and do like spending my time on. Furthermore, I like big changes to the game, especially new parts of the map and new game modes. It breaks the repetition. And I like playing together with friends.
So how do I apply that knowledge to life? Well, I now know that routine gets boring. I can grind for physical items that I want, but there isn't great pleasure in that. There is no end goal in life, just rewards for limited-time quests, so the joy must be found in the activity itself or you'll find yourself feeling hollow. So I should make sure to do enough things that interest me. Go to new places. Learn new things. Try things. Focus on the joy of the experiences instead of worrying about an end goal. There is no end goal. There is only an endless present that goes on until God blocks you from the server of life. Don't be blinded by the craving of material possessions or status. Most things aren't worth grinding for so hard that you become miserable. You already have enough skins and some day the server will reset and your score will be gone. Overindulgence breeds dissatisfaction with obtaining new things and everything and everyone is finite. And doing things is often more fun when you do it with friends. Even repetitive things can feel fun when you have a friend by your side to tell you things you've never heard before. Inside of their brain is a world of new information, new experiences, for you to explore.
Don't get stuck a looper. Live in the present, because that's all there is; that's all that matters.
