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Today, after years of speculating that I have it, I have gotten professionally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder by my psychologist. I also have traits of OCD. This is all on top of my diagnosis of Persistent Depressive Disorder.
I wanted to take some time to talk about it here, because there is so little BPD representation. For example, in the United States, only 1.6% of the population has BPD. And that is an estimate, because not all of those people know they have it. And of those, a lot might try to hide this fact about themselves because it's so taboo and people don't really talk much about it, and they definitely don't understand or accept it very well. Public figures with BPD are few and far between. Pete Davidson is the only one I had to look up to over the years.
When that notorious Jeffrey Dahmer show came out, I really hoped that that would make people realize that a lot of the time trauma doesn't have to come from getting raped or beaten up. It can be negligence from your surroundings, which the people around you might not even realize they partake in. Emotional, mental, trauma is still trauma. But people seemed to only call Dahmer a monster, or talk about how hot Evan Peters is. The only thing to take away from that series was lost on the general public, and so I want to try to remind people that yes, developing BPD can happen to you. Yes, it can happen to people you know. Yes, often you don't even know what's going on for a while. Just because you don't know what's wrong, or why you feel that way, doesn't make your feelings less valid. And even if it turns out to not be a disorder, or another disorder then you thought, it doesn't make your pain less real.
It is pretty unfortunate that it takes a professional giving a label for people to really take you seriously and see your struggles as valid. Just because a professional didn't tell you that you suffer doesn't mean you don't. Just because you can't name it doesn't mean it's not valid. I've had family tell me that I couldn't have BPD because people with BPD "will hurt anyone to get attention", and I was just some nice kid, right? This misrepresentation and misunderstanding really hurts the general public, because it invalidates people who might have it and portrays people who do have it as horrible people. And that belief goes deep. Some people think people with BPD are evil and you should avoid them at all costs. They treat people with BPD as less than human, and it's not right.
And not just BPD. This goes for a lot of disorders. And I frankly don't really give a rat's ass if you think I'm some evil demon sent by Satan themselves, but the stigma is making it harder for people to learn about it, harder for people who (think they) have it to reach out to people close to them and/or to mental health professionals, and it genuinely hurts some people who are trying their best to be nice people.
I didn't make this post for sympathy points or anything. You don't need to pity me. I just made this post so that maybe I can convince some people that, yes, it CAN happen to you or someone you know, it's NOT their fault and you SHOULD probably do some research before you start hating on people for their mental illnesses and disorders. And if at least one person with BPD, or any other mental struggle, feels heard or represented by this post and it makes them feel more validated and seen, then that's enough.
It's hard for us out there, but you are not alone.
I wanted to take some time to talk about it here, because there is so little BPD representation. For example, in the United States, only 1.6% of the population has BPD. And that is an estimate, because not all of those people know they have it. And of those, a lot might try to hide this fact about themselves because it's so taboo and people don't really talk much about it, and they definitely don't understand or accept it very well. Public figures with BPD are few and far between. Pete Davidson is the only one I had to look up to over the years.
When that notorious Jeffrey Dahmer show came out, I really hoped that that would make people realize that a lot of the time trauma doesn't have to come from getting raped or beaten up. It can be negligence from your surroundings, which the people around you might not even realize they partake in. Emotional, mental, trauma is still trauma. But people seemed to only call Dahmer a monster, or talk about how hot Evan Peters is. The only thing to take away from that series was lost on the general public, and so I want to try to remind people that yes, developing BPD can happen to you. Yes, it can happen to people you know. Yes, often you don't even know what's going on for a while. Just because you don't know what's wrong, or why you feel that way, doesn't make your feelings less valid. And even if it turns out to not be a disorder, or another disorder then you thought, it doesn't make your pain less real.
It is pretty unfortunate that it takes a professional giving a label for people to really take you seriously and see your struggles as valid. Just because a professional didn't tell you that you suffer doesn't mean you don't. Just because you can't name it doesn't mean it's not valid. I've had family tell me that I couldn't have BPD because people with BPD "will hurt anyone to get attention", and I was just some nice kid, right? This misrepresentation and misunderstanding really hurts the general public, because it invalidates people who might have it and portrays people who do have it as horrible people. And that belief goes deep. Some people think people with BPD are evil and you should avoid them at all costs. They treat people with BPD as less than human, and it's not right.
And not just BPD. This goes for a lot of disorders. And I frankly don't really give a rat's ass if you think I'm some evil demon sent by Satan themselves, but the stigma is making it harder for people to learn about it, harder for people who (think they) have it to reach out to people close to them and/or to mental health professionals, and it genuinely hurts some people who are trying their best to be nice people.
I didn't make this post for sympathy points or anything. You don't need to pity me. I just made this post so that maybe I can convince some people that, yes, it CAN happen to you or someone you know, it's NOT their fault and you SHOULD probably do some research before you start hating on people for their mental illnesses and disorders. And if at least one person with BPD, or any other mental struggle, feels heard or represented by this post and it makes them feel more validated and seen, then that's enough.
It's hard for us out there, but you are not alone.
